Struggling With How Long You Need to Stay Single

Have you ever been told “I’m so sorry but I’m just not ready for a relationship.” “I’m so sorry but I’ve decided to go back to the X - it’s best for the kids.” “I think I love you so it’s for the best I don’t see you again” “I’ve been thinking all night, it’s not you it’s me”

Do any of those quotes ring a thought? The thing is, because those texts’ say “it’s not you it’s me” etc. They are indirectly pointing the blame at you; they are excuses as they dare not just be honest - so does that mean they are not honest folks? - Jury is out on that one.

Struggling with relationships well lets have a look, is there a best way or such a thing to find our perfect partner, soul mate, twin flame…

Folks seem to decide that it is best to move from one partner to another without any form of break in between, and other folks try having as long a time away from relationships as they can? Everyone probably knows of someone on either side of this.

Who’s to say which are right or wrong though? Some dating agencies ask set questions before they let you join; these are genuine highly respected professional agencies. The main question asked usually is; have you just come out of a deep relationship of over five years? If your honesty prevails then they would recommend you to being out of the dating scene and to be content by oneself for a around two years? They also ask how long you have been single, how did it finish?

But what is right or wrong, we all probably know of folks who left partners for someone else and it appears solid with that new partner, maybe one of the reasoning’s behind this lies an answer that the partner who finally leaves does so as they have already lost any love and feelings for their husband/wife, and therefore find it easy to uproot and move on, leaving the stricken partner wondering what’s happening? When this love starts to ‘vanish’ then they should talk about it straight away and try to avoid hurt and damage.

In 2002 a work colleague was having a chat with me and relationship breakdowns cropped up in that conversation, he mentioned after 22 years marriage his broke down and ended in divorce, he deliberately did five years alone, he did though mention his feeling of being alone during that time, after the five years he then decided he felt as though he could start to date again? After eight years he met another woman and they got married. This now gets quoted to my friends who go through the separation and divorce scene. Often you do find out who your truest of friends are through emotional trauma!!!

The one thing that folks really should do is just be honest; it’s such a shame that most seemingly just can’t be

My hat goes off to those relationships, marriages that are very genuine and stick together through the many lows that life throws at us, for the folks who have never been through relationship trauma, they will try but never fully understand why we who have been are like we are.

What about being ‘set-up’ by folks, who think they know us and expect the organised blind date to work? Well it can also be mentioned that many of us probably do know blind dates organised by friends that have worked.

I don’t think any really are better than another right or wrong, meeting through a blind date, dating agency, night out, in the supermarket, as the old saying goes - what will be will be. At the end of the day it is up to the individual how long they think they need to stay single for, they won’t truly listen to advice they will go with the flow and try meet someone as soon as they can.

And those quotes at the start, male and female friends received those texts during the night!

It must be said though, you know when you’re out and you catch someone’s eyes, then without thinking you kind of double check that person again, maybe you’re in the supermarket and it happens and that person also returns the same looks? Chances are you’re both going to make sure you see each other along a few other shopping aisles and maybe be at the same checkout or opposite checkouts, has this ever happened to you?

What about being in a que at a pastry shop for lunch or break from work, you see someone but the eyes did not quite meet, next week same day same time you go to the same shop, or do you do it everyday until you realise your wasting your time or until that person turns up again, but this time you force your self to try make eye contact, has this ever happened to you?

Thing is, we cant really force someone to like what they might not see or then hear, what is an attractive order; eye contact, verbal contact, physical attractiveness, dress sense, teeth, footwear, whatever the order all these I would say could well happen within the first 5 – 10 minutes of contact. I know someone who met someone on a train station, pretty random really, that was in 1985 and yes you guessed - that randomness of just forming a conversation worked.

Whatever we think about how best to meet someone, we actually meet new folks daily that has an attraction, but mostly we dont follow this attraction up - they could be the one!!!

So many books are available to try advise how you can meet your perfect partner, maybe try using a book and putting it to good use in that supermarket, pastry shop or sandwich bar or all of them while on your work break. Humans are a social creature and are not designed to be alone.